Ectopic Pregnancy: A Journey of Pain, Reflection, and Growth By Brenda Salas
From Trials to Tenacity
Imagine being 16 years old, navigating the tumultuous waters of high school, and suddenly finding out you’re pregnant. The fear, the confusion, and the overwhelming sense of responsibility hit you all at once. This was my reality. I was young, scared, and utterly unprepared for what lay ahead. Little did I know, my journey would not only test my strength but also redefine my understanding of love, resilience, and self-awareness.
My first ectopic pregnancy was a harrowing experience that forever changed me. At an age when I should have been worrying about exams and friends, I was grappling with a life-threatening condition I barely understood.
Years later, as an adult, I faced the nightmare again. My second ectopic pregnancy was even more perilous, nearly rupturing and endangering my life. This time, I was not only terrified but also painfully aware of the potential consequences. My journey across states, my engagement, and the joy of a new beginning were overshadowed by this life-threatening ordeal.
Teenage Dreams and Unexpected Realities
I was never one of those people who eagerly anticipated having kids. In fact, I wasn't even sure I ever wanted to have children. The idea of motherhood felt distant, almost foreign. At 16, the concept of being pregnant was more terrifying than exciting. I was young, in love, and caught up in the whirlwind of adolescence, not fully understanding the consequences of my actions. I shouldn't have been having sex at such a young age. I knew I could get pregnant but didn't consider the repercussions, both mentally and physically. It damaged my point of view on sex and being mindful of my partner.
The Harrowing Experience of A Shocking Discovery at Sixteen: My First Ectopic Pregnancy
At 16, when I found out I was pregnant, I was scared. Neither my boyfriend nor I were equipped to be parents. We had no support system, no plan, and certainly no insurance. I decided to go to Planned Parenthood for an ultrasound, not intending to keep the baby. The moment I walked into the doctor's room, my life changed. The nurse's alarmed expression during the ultrasound and the doctor's explanation left me bewildered and frightened.
The doctor told me that they needed to perform a procedure to remove the pregnancy. They didn't explain much about where the embryo was or why it had to be done this way, only that it was necessary. They used a vacuum aspiration technique, which was quick but left me feeling empty and confused.
The Drive Home: A Metaphor of Inner Turmoil
Driving home from the procedure, I felt a mix of relief and guilt. The fires burning in the distance as I was driven through LA traffic on the 405 seemed like a metaphor for my inner turmoil. The sedatives made everything feel surreal, and I couldn't shake the feeling of guilt for not planning to keep the baby in the first place.
Facing Reality: Peer Pressure and Limited Understanding
In the waiting room at Planned Parenthood, surrounded by other young women, I realized how many of us faced similar choices and fears. Looking back, I see how limited my understanding of love and health was.
The Harrowing Experience of My Second Ectopic Pregnancy
A Dangerous Recurrence in Adulthood
Years later, I experienced my second ectopic pregnancy. This time, the situation was even more dire as the pregnancy almost ruptured inside of me. According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), a ruptured ectopic pregnancy can cause severe internal bleeding, leading to shock and even death if not treated immediately.
This time around, I was still not ready to be a parent nor did I want to. I was terrified and contemplated having an abortion. But what a coward I would be now at 33, a God-fearing woman engaged to an amazing fiancé, to go through with an abortion. As terrified as I was, I ultimately accepted the fact that I was going to have a child. It's different when you actively choose not to have a baby. However, getting the choice taken from you and being told you won't have a baby hits differently. It was a different time from being 16 years old to now being 33. I was a child, and now I am an adult. I have a different mentality and perspective on relationships with God, myself and my partner.
A Rollercoaster of Emotions: My Recent Journey:
Before I continue on this story, here are some crazy facts about the last three months of my life:
I traveled across eight states in an RV, from snow to desert and the furthest south you can go in the United States (3/4/2024 - 4/22/2024)
Got engaged in Key West, Florida on a sailboat (4/17/2024).
Found out I was pregnant, taking four pregnancy tests just to be sure (4/26/2024).
Got married (5/14/2024)
Had Surgery (5/24/2024)
Emergency and Intervention: A Close Call I went to the clinic to double-check, experiencing heavy bleeding, and eventually felt like I may have miscarried after my first ER visit. Found out I was still pregnant after my second ER visit and needed to be transferred by ambulance to a larger hospital for an emergency laparoscopy operation.
The pain was excruciating, and I knew something was seriously wrong. The doctors acted swiftly to remove the pregnancy, and I was grateful for the medical care I received. This second experience reinforced the dangers of ectopic pregnancies and the critical need for early detection and intervention.
A Close Call and Realizations
Being transferred from one ER to another made me realize how serious an ectopic pregnancy was. I’m mentally tough and physically fit, so I initially thought I didn’t need to go to the hospital, believing it would pass. But I hesitated to go to the ER, and what if I didn’t go? Had I not listened to my husband, I would have pushed back going to the hospital to get checked. This stemmed from not having insurance and partially being scared that they would find something wrong. Where does that stem from? Going to the doctor almost feels like going to the auto shop. You go in for one thing, and then they tell you 10 other things are wrong. It could have been much worse, and my life would have been severely threatened.
Moments Before Surgery
I was terrified! I had never been to the hospital, ridden in an ambulance, or had such invasive surgery. Moments before surgery, I thought I was going to die. A little over dramatic I know, but I've never been in this position before. I thought about how much I'd miss being alive, dancing, eating, laughing, loving, and my friends and family. The doctors kept delaying the surgery, and I was hoping they’d tell me we could just take a pill to dissolve the embryo instead. But it wasn’t a safe option in my case. Finally, after hours of waiting, they took me in for surgery.
Reflection and Growth
Lessons in Vulnerability and Strength
One week after surgery, I reflected on my three scars and what they reminded me of every time I looked at them. These were more battle scars for my body. This entire life experience helped me realize my hyper independence and taught me to be okay with being taken care of by others. It helped me see how loved I am by my family and friends and realize my negligence of self. I can’t always push through, especially when I’m not well.
My road to recovery has changed my life. I’m allowing my body to heal, letting go of the wheel, and letting my husband lead us. I’m taking it easier rather than rushing through and trying to get back to my usual routine. I'm also taking time to learn and develop new skills, focusing on my personal growth and well-being.
After the surgery, I realized how hyper-independent I have been. Trying to help the nurses help me when I didn't feel well was a stark reminder of how I often neglected my own needs. I understood that sometimes I needed to let others take care of me. This experience also made me see how loved I am by my family and friends. Neglecting my own health had been a pattern, and this was a wake-up call to take my health more seriously.
Every scar, every moment of pain, and every realization has shaped me into who I am today. I learned that I am incredibly strong, yet it's okay to feel weak and seek help. My journey through ectopic pregnancies has taught me the importance of knowledge, support, and self-care.
Conclusion: Empowering Women Through Knowledge and Support
Sharing My Story: A Call for Awareness and Support
Sharing my story is not just about reflecting on my past but also about empowering others. Pregnancy, especially at a young age, comes with a host of challenges that can be overwhelming. By openly discussing these issues, we can create a more supportive environment where women feel empowered to make informed decisions about their bodies and their futures.
You Are Not Alone: A Message of Hope
To every woman facing the turmoil of pregnancy troubles, know that you are not alone. Seek support, educate yourself, and make choices that are right for you. Your journey is unique, and your strength is undeniable. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), education and awareness can significantly improve outcomes for women experiencing ectopic pregnancies, leading to better health and well-being.