Building Strong Relationships with Yourself & Your Partner
A Personal Journey
As I sit down to write this blog, I realize how much this process is helping me reflect on my own life. None of us are perfect, and sometimes, when we think we have it all figured out, life hands us a reality check and says, "Whoa there fella, you can't just read the title of this book and expect to know everything inside." This journey of writing has highlighted the importance of embracing every moment and conversation, especially in the context of my new marriage.
Stepping into a new relationship and marriage has been a profound experience. It has not only opened up new dimensions of self-awareness for Brenda and I, but also introduced me to the complexities and joys of building a partnership. One thing is for sure: we need to approach relationships with humility and the understanding that strengths in our individual lives may not always translate seamlessly into strengths within a marriage. It’s a give and take, a dynamic flow that requires continuous learning, observing, and communicating.
The Foundation: Your Relationship with Yourself
Before we can truly connect with others, we must first establish a healthy and nurturing relationship with ourselves. Brenda and I have both spent years putting time and effort into ourselves, before either of us decided we were ready for a relationship, but on the other hand, “are we ever truly ready for a new relationship?” which has led us to be able to voice our opinions and concerns towards one another respectfully. Which is essential for creating supportive, fulfilling, and lasting partnerships.
Self-Awareness and Self-Love: The Cornerstones
Practicing Self-Awareness:
Self-awareness involves recognizing our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. It’s about understanding our strengths, weaknesses, and triggers. I used to think I had a strong grasp of who I was, but entering marriage has shown me there are still parts of myself I need to understand better. As I’ve learned, self-love isn't a one-time achievement but an ongoing process, especially when faced with the dynamics of a new marriage.
Building a Positive Self-Relationship
Setting Boundaries:
Establishing boundaries is crucial for protecting your emotional health. It’s about knowing your limits and communicating them effectively. In marriage, this has been a learning curve for me, as balancing personal needs with those of my partner requires ongoing dialogue and adjustment.
Identify where you need boundaries and practice asserting them kindly, clearly, and tactfully.
Practicing Forgiveness:
Forgiveness allows you to move past mistakes and focus on growth. It's not about excusing hurtful behavior but about freeing yourself from the weight of resentment. This has been particularly important for me as I navigate the minor conflicts and adjustments that come with marriage, and to practice letting go of negative emotions. Which in turn leads to focusing solely on positive outcomes and thought processes.
Building a Strong Relationship with Your Partner
Marrying my wife has been one of the most enlightening experiences of my life. In our short time together as a married couple, we've encountered our share of friction. However, we've committed to facing challenges together, not as adversaries, but as a united team. This approach requires a lot of give and take, where we both learn to balance our wants and needs.
Effective Communication: The Key to Connection
Active Listening:
Listening to understand, rather than to respond, is crucial. It's about being present and empathetic. I’ve realized that waiting to give my opinion often means I miss out on truly hearing my wife’s perspective. Practice active listening by fully engaging with your partner's words and emotions. Then reinforce those words with your actions.
Expressing Yourself Clearly:
Open and honest communication helps prevent misunderstandings. Using "I" statements has been particularly helpful in our conversations, allowing us to express our feelings without assigning blame.
Practicing Empathy:
Empathy helps you connect with your partner's experiences and emotions. Understanding each other’s perspectives has been vital in maintaining harmony and fostering a deeper connection.
Put yourself in your partner's shoes and validate their feelings.
Building Trust and Intimacy: The Glue that Holds You Together
I think this one affects a lot of marriages and relationships out there.
Trust is built through consistent, reliable actions. My wife and I have focused and worked our way on keeping our promises and being honest with each other, which has strengthened our bond. I’ve also learned that actions will always speak louder than words (I can hear my wife’s voice saying this right now lol). Something that I couldn’t wrap my head around because in my personal life, keeping future promises to myself were mandatory because I knew in my mind the actions led to results - in building a business, graduating college, writing a book, and so forth. Remember what i said earlier, some of your personal strengths WILL NOT transfer over as a strength in your relationships. This was a great learning experience for me and eye opener.
Follow through on commitments and be honest, even when it’s difficult.
Maintaining Physical and Emotional Intimacy:
Intimacy involves both physical closeness and emotional connection. Spending quality time together and expressing affection are essential components of our relationship. I see it now as quality over quantity, or as delayed gratification in life coaching terms. Delay the constant need of a kiss, a hug, or constantly being needy for example. Brenda sent me a video the other day about this “10 minute kiss” exercise. The main takeaway was, can you just kiss your partner for 10 minutes without it leading to anything else? Building up that intimacy or delaying that next step of intimacy will become more of a quality moment in both of your lives. I thought that was pretty cool.
Supporting Each Other’s Growth:
Encouraging your partner’s personal growth is key to a thriving relationship. Mogressive coaching has helped me support my wife’s aspirations while also focusing on my own goals. We had a conversation a few weeks ago down in fort lauderdale while looking for parking and it led to the fact that we will always have our own individual lives, and that they don’t need to overlap every second, if were constantly in each others lives- there will be no spark, no quality moments, we will be left with just suffocating each other and reinforcing a one dimensional relationship.
Action Step: Discuss and support each other’s dreams and ambitions. Something else i’ve learned, its ok to do things without your partner or feeling guilty about doing things with him/her. All you need to know is that they will always be there supporting your growth.
Navigating Challenges Together
Practicing Conflict Resolution:
Conflicts are inevitable, they will always be there - but how we handle them can either strengthen or weaken our relationship. We’ve adopted a problem-solving approach that focuses on finding solutions rather than assigning blame. Before either of us entered this relationship, we would have long conversations while driving from California to Florida in my RV about “what are the most important aspects of a relationship?” One of them was communication. We both said, we both need to have strong communication skills, and not hold resentment if we don’t agree with what the other person is saying. Rather, to focus more on the other person's concerns and talk about solutions. Remember it will always be you and your partner versus the problem. So if you find yourself in a 1v1 argument, take a break, then both of you comeback to “the table” and say “hey let's figure this out together, i’m sorry. I forgot it's not about blaming me or you”
Approach conflicts with a mindset focused on solutions and understanding.
Adapting to Changes:Life brings changes, and it’s important to navigate them together. Our commitment to facing challenges as a team has been crucial in managing the adjustments that come with marriage. Brenda and I have changed our lives for one another. One of us more than the other, and sometimes I need to remind myself of that as well.
Reinforcing Commitment:Commitment involves being dedicated to your partner and relationship. Our mantra, “It’s always me and you versus the problem, never you versus me,” has guided us through our challenges.
The Beauty of Partnership
Marriage is about give and take, and learning to compromise on both wants and needs. My wife and I have found that understanding this dynamic is essential. We are two individuals with our own desires and expectations, but by coming together, we create a partnership that enhances our lives both individually and as a couple.
We are human beings with emotions, and understanding these emotions allows us to explore life together rather than alone. This journey has reminded me to "stop and smell the roses," to be present, and to live in the moment with my partner. I used to think I knew life like the back of my hand, but this new chapter has taught me that there's always another hand—an unknown territory waiting to be discovered and learned from.
How My Wife Has Helped Me See the Big Picture
Brenda has been a guiding light in navigating this part of my life. She has taught me to embrace self-awareness and continuous improvement, and it has provided tools to strengthen our relationship. The support and guidance from my wife have been invaluable, helping me understand that growth comes from within and is amplified through a loving partnership.
Building strong relationships with yourself and your partner is a continuous journey filled with growth, learning, and compromise. The early days of my marriage have shown me that even with self-awareness, there’s always more to discover and navigate. The best part, we both bring self improvement tools to this relationship, highlighting the importance of working on yourself first before entering a partnership with someone else.
Invest in yourself and your relationship, and remember that it’s about the journey, not the destination. By nurturing your self-relationship and committing to your partner, you can create a strong, enduring bond that thrives through all of life’s ups and downs.
Additional Resources:
Books on Effective Communication: "Nonviolent Communication" by Marshall B. Rosenberg, "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.
Online Courses: Explore courses on relationship building and communication skills on platforms like Coursera or Udemy.
Journaling Prompts: Use prompts like "What challenges have I faced recently in my relationship?" to deepen your self-awareness and understanding.
Embrace the journey of building a strong relationship with yourself and your partner, and watch as you both grow and flourish together.
